Adorable...isn't he? I think so! As he slept quietly in the little bed beside me I started thinking about how I got here. It was a long road......
My husband Matthew and I got married kinda young....he was 23, I was 24. (Yes, I'm a year older then him, and he LOVES to remind me of this). About 25 seconds after we said "I do", everyone and there mother wanted to know when we were going to start having kids.
I personally was shocked by this.....I really hadn't thought about having kids....I didn't even know if I wanted kids. My husband on the other hand could not wait until I was "barefoot and pregnant with his child" (his words, not mine). We talked, and decided that waiting a couple years would be best. I just was not ready for the extra responsibility.....I liked my freedom, no, loved my freedom.
As we sailed through our twenties, we were both happy with this decision. We came and went as we pleased, we stayed up late on weekends, hosted many poker parties, smoked many cigarettes. On a random Wednesday night when we were bored, we would go for long car rides, coming home at one in the morning. We slept in on Sundays, and lay ed around in our pajamas all day. We bought name brand clothing, ate out a whole bunch, and saved and bought our first house. I went back to school, and Matt moved up in his trade, until he found the right company. We enjoyed each other.
Then, when I was closing in on my 28th birthday, I realized I wanted a baby. So we tried...and waited...and tried.............and watched as other people got pregnant. I guess I never really thought that we would have a hard time getting pregnant. I just assumed (making an ass out of u and me) we would get prego just like that...I was wrong. After a year and a half of trying, then stopping, then trying again, then convincing ourselves we would be the cool couple without kids......I was pregnant!!
So I stopped smoking cigarettes (I sometimes still miss them, I'm not going to lie), we started putting our money away, and we prepared for the entry of this new little person.
Every ultrasound was a reminder that the ten years of just Matt and I were over. Every kick signified a new journey for us. we were scared, excited, restless, emotional (well I was), and ready......
.........we were not ready!!
When Marshall made his entrance in this world, every thing made sense, and all the little things didn't matter anymore. Its funny how becoming a mother changes you. I didn't think about all the stuff I had to give up, or all the neurosis I had about being a parent. When I looked at this beautiful boy Matt and I created, all that mattered to me was giving my son a good life, a happy life. Matt and I definitely were not ready for the impact that comes with being a parent.......but it was a good "not ready".
September 9th 2012......my life changed, and has changed. I'm no longer the "come as I go, no one to answer to, fly by the seat of my pants, smoking my cigarettes, and sleeping in until noon" type of girl. That's ok! I loved being that girl.....but I love being Marshall's mom more!