You see, I don't want to leave my munchkin........but then I do, but then I don't again. Confused? yeah, well so am I! You see I complain until the cows come home how I need a day to myself, need to get out, need that "me" time. Then when the opportunity presents itself, I don't really want to go, or I'm too tired to go (see my post "My Little One is Using Sleep Derpeiation as a form of torture", because that's still happening). And if I do actually leave, I'm usually rushing to get back. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mostly I'm worried that Marshall is going to lose his shit if I leave. My little pork chop is going through some separation anxiety, where he only wants mama and dada.....but mostly mama. I also start feeling guilty if I leave, like I should be there to put him to bed, or to feed him, or whatever else I think he needs me for. I never in a million years thought I would be like this. I always thought I would be the type of mom that would have no problem escaping for the day to indulge in a little selfish time. But here I am, not taking my own advise from three years ago, and maybe needing that time a little more each day.
So I made some small steps.......Matt and I went to the movies the other night (This is the End....soooo funny!), and I did not call home once to see if Marshall needed me. It was good. I even threw on a pair of heels, and wore my usually pulled up hair down. And since that night was such a success, I booked myself a deluxe mani-pedi for this upcoming Thursday. I am actually really looking forward to the two hours of uninterrupted bliss.....I may even make it a regular thing.
If leaving your little one sounds impossible to you, then don't do it. Wait until you are ready. I really hated it when people would try and push this one me. But do know, that when you finally allow yourself this "you" time, it is so refreshing, and needed. You may even find yourself already planning the next solo venture!