Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Shit Spots.....A Lesson in Self Acceptance

When I think about Marshall growing up I sometimes cringe. I can't help but think about  the challenges that face a child when they turn into an adolescent.  All the heartache that comes with becoming a teenager. The insecurities and self doubt. I  think about the type of person I want him to be.  I want to teach my son to be confident in himself and decisions. To not fall weak to peer pressure.  I want him to accept himself for the way he is, to love himself.

I have not always been a good exsample of self love. When I  think about my own pre-teen expereinces, I remeber a very insecure girl.  I was lanky, had a gap between my teeth, and a face full of freckles. 

Shit Spots : A Lesson in Self Acceptance

When I was about 11 years old I use to look in the mirror and imagine what my face would look like without freckles.  None of my friends had this many freckles......they all had "perfect" skin. I on the other hand had millions and millions of freckles. Sunny days were my enemy as they just amplified and added to the problem.

One afternoon, while watching Saved by the Bell (God I loved Zak Morris), I came across an infomercial that had promised a magic foundation that would rid me of these shit spots.  Yes, they look liked shit spots to me. This was because I had heard from more then a few people "Hey, did you stand behind a screen, while someone threw shit at It"? Who says that to an eleven year old?  But this magic foundation was going to rid me of all my problems....I just needed my mom to agree to order it on her credit card.  My mind was telling me she would....she had freckles...more then I did.....we could share the bottle of foundation!! She would totally be on bored with this plan!

I found my mom getting ready in the bathroom. "Mom....your never going to believe what I just saw on TV". I was so excited about this product, I could barley keep the words in my mouth. "its this magic foundation that promises to rid my face of freckles....or my, your money back!!!"

"Why would you want to rid your face of freckles?" my mom said, completely unfazed with the news I just bestowed on her.

"I don't know...because my freckles are....ugly" was all I could muster up.  It was true though...I did feel like the shit spots on my face were hiding my true beauty.

"Shauna" replied my mother "You would not be you without your freckles, they are what make you unique, different, a beauty all your own........plus I have freckles, far more then you, do you think I'm ugly?"

"No, not all all" I practically scream.  And I didn't think my mom was ugly....she was beautiful.

"You don't need that foundation....its a waste of money".

I wish I could say that that day changed me and I accepted my freckles then and there. That I  floated through my pre-teen and teenage years loving my freckles with a new found confidence.  That was not the case. I hated those shit spots up until I was about 19 years old.  That's when I realized that no, I did not have this perfect porcelain complexion....but my mom was right (I hate admitting that!) I really wasn't me without my freckles.  They made me kinda cute, sorta quirky, youthful.

The lesson of this story? No one is perfect...no one. Life wouldn't be fun if there were a bunch of perfect people  walking around. It would be pretty fucking  bland.  Life is way more beautiful when u have different things to looks at.

Shauna Lynn

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