Friday, November 1, 2013

Just Throw Those Bad Girls in a Double Push Up Bra, and Get on with your Life

I use to be that girl......the girl with the amazing rack.  Not too big, not too small, just fucking right. 34C, and super perky.  I could wear no bra, and you wouldn't be able to tell. I shit you not.  Women use to tell me if they were going to have a bood job they would ask for ones like mine.  What a compliment! The girls stayed in great shape, even in my late twenties, and up to the pregnancy.  Now I know what your thinking, "Holy, this bitch is super into her self."  I promise you I'm not.  We all have assets (mine: great breasts, awesome vocabulary), and we all have stuff that we could work on, or don't love about ourselves (mine: I seriously have no ass, its like an extension of my back, My temper can get a little wild). 

I regress, back to the breasts.  Their rise and fall started like this:

When they first showed up they were pointy and weird. I was in grade 6, and I didn't really like them too much.   I hid them in big t-shirts, and wore my training bra awkward.

Then as they took on a shape, I noticed they got me attention.  So I used them to get a little attention (at least I'm being honest).

Then I matured as much as a teenager could, and showed them at appropriate times only.  In my day, if you were showing off the girls too much you were a slut.  I didn't really want that label, plus I didn't feel the need for that attention I wanted just a few years earlier. (Now that's growth!)

In my early twenties, (or as I like to refer to them as my "club hopping days"), the girls made another appearance.  Cleavage was the key to a great night.......and free drinks.(Once again, I'm just being honest)

Then as I grew into my mid twenties, and settled down a bit, the girls became more conservative.  Classy cleavage if you may. (see, growth again!)

They stayed that way.  Great tits, perky, happy.

Then I got pregnant, and shit did they get big.  Like freakishly big. As if freakishly big wasnt big enough, once I had the baby and my milk came in.......holy fucking porn star tits.

I breastfed for 8 months, and they seemed to be doing pretty good.  Maybe the girls were going to be ok after all!

And then I stopped breastfeeding. 

And then they fell from grace.

I'm not going to lie to you gals that don't have a baby yet.  It was a hard pill to swallow at first. 
But nothing that couldn't be fixed. 

You could go the surgery route.  I've actually considered this, and I haven't completely knocked it off the table. 

Or you could just throw those bad girls in a double push up bra, and get on with your life.

I'm choosing the double push up bra route.  Plus I hear by the time I hit 80, I will be praying for these post breastfeeding tits. 

Shauna Lynn


  1. Hey chick! Just found your blog via My Life and Kids and you are hilarious!! Glad I found you!

  2. LMAO! The demise of the twins. You should consider yourself lucky, mine got stuck in 6th grade size. No push up bra will ever save these.
    Dropping by from #findingthefunny :)

    1. Lol! I miss them everyday! :) Thanks for the read!