Friday, November 1, 2013

Just Throw Those Bad Girls in a Double Push Up Bra, and Get on with your Life

I use to be that girl......the girl with the amazing rack.  Not too big, not too small, just fucking right. 34C, and super perky.  I could wear no bra, and you wouldn't be able to tell. I shit you not.  Women use to tell me if they were going to have a bood job they would ask for ones like mine.  What a compliment! The girls stayed in great shape, even in my late twenties, and up to the pregnancy.  Now I know what your thinking, "Holy, this bitch is super into her self."  I promise you I'm not.  We all have assets (mine: great breasts, awesome vocabulary), and we all have stuff that we could work on, or don't love about ourselves (mine: I seriously have no ass, its like an extension of my back, My temper can get a little wild). 

I regress, back to the breasts.  Their rise and fall started like this:

When they first showed up they were pointy and weird. I was in grade 6, and I didn't really like them too much.   I hid them in big t-shirts, and wore my training bra awkward.

Then as they took on a shape, I noticed they got me attention.  So I used them to get a little attention (at least I'm being honest).

Then I matured as much as a teenager could, and showed them at appropriate times only.  In my day, if you were showing off the girls too much you were a slut.  I didn't really want that label, plus I didn't feel the need for that attention I wanted just a few years earlier. (Now that's growth!)

In my early twenties, (or as I like to refer to them as my "club hopping days"), the girls made another appearance.  Cleavage was the key to a great night.......and free drinks.(Once again, I'm just being honest)

Then as I grew into my mid twenties, and settled down a bit, the girls became more conservative.  Classy cleavage if you may. (see, growth again!)

They stayed that way.  Great tits, perky, happy.

Then I got pregnant, and shit did they get big.  Like freakishly big. As if freakishly big wasnt big enough, once I had the baby and my milk came in.......holy fucking porn star tits.

I breastfed for 8 months, and they seemed to be doing pretty good.  Maybe the girls were going to be ok after all!

And then I stopped breastfeeding. 

And then they fell from grace.

I'm not going to lie to you gals that don't have a baby yet.  It was a hard pill to swallow at first. 
But nothing that couldn't be fixed. 

You could go the surgery route.  I've actually considered this, and I haven't completely knocked it off the table. 

Or you could just throw those bad girls in a double push up bra, and get on with your life.

I'm choosing the double push up bra route.  Plus I hear by the time I hit 80, I will be praying for these post breastfeeding tits. 

Shauna Lynn


  1. Hey chick! Just found your blog via My Life and Kids and you are hilarious!! Glad I found you!

    1. Thank you! And thanks for the read! :)

  2. LMAO! The demise of the twins. You should consider yourself lucky, mine got stuck in 6th grade size. No push up bra will ever save these.
    Dropping by from #findingthefunny :)

    1. Lol! I miss them everyday! :) Thanks for the read!