It all started when my husband went away for work. So I mostly blame him.
Marshall has never been a good sleeper. But four days before my husband left for his two week work adventure, he started sleeping through the night. Fucking right! Right? Wrong. Four days after my husband left, 17 mother fucking hours away, he got his first real virus...ear infection, high fever, crankiness, and but of course, sleeplessness. After that week and a half of pure hell, my husband came home, and Marshall resumed back to sleeping through the night. Then husband left, and Marshall went back to not sleeping through the night. (what the fucking fuck FUCK). Not only did he not sleep through the night, but super hard core separation anxiety crept in. He did not want to be put down, EVER.
The husband came home, and we worked on his sleep/separation anxiety issues........and things seemed to be getting better. He was only getting up once a night for a quick reassurance that we (his parents) were still here, and back to bed he would go. I could see the light at the end of this sleepless tunnel.......and then BAM. Marshall gets another fucking cold. This time the snot is so thick in his nose, the poor little bugger can barely breathe through his nose. It makes him uncomfortable, overly tired, and waking up every 45 minutes in the middle of the night. Fuck my life.
So during this month of sleepless hell, I've let myself go. All other priorities get swept aside for just a couple minutes of sleep. I have been trying to bleach my hair since September. Seriously people, my white blonde hair has dark brown roots down to my chin. My eyebrows look like Bert's from Sesame Street. The stress from the sleepless nights is showing up on my face. I have broken out into a cluster of giant zits all over my chin. I look super special, let me tell you.
When I try to convey my complete frustration to people, I get a lot of "fix it" responses. Stuff like "Well have you tried (insert stupid common way to get a baby to sleep method) to get him to sleep" or "its just a phase" or "all moms don't sleep, its par for the course" Or the enraging "it is what it is". Well I'm sure they are all well meaning responses, they just make me feel like I'm a horrible mother for even complaining about being tired. Forget the fact that I'm averaging an hour of sleep a night.
This is why girlfriends are the best. After this hellish month, Trudy (one of my nearest and dearest girlfriends) and I meet for a catch up at Wal-mart. As we walk through the aisles, I'm telling her how my month has been going. She stops and asks "Do you need a hug?" I look at her, with tears welling up in my overtired eyeballs and shake my head yes. Then she hugs me in the make-up aisle of a very busy Wal-mart, on a Saturday afternoon. After our hug, she says what I've wanted to hear "That fucking sucks dude".