Thursday, February 18, 2016

ThrowBack Thursday : The Two Try Brazillion Wax

My blog is getting a little dusty (you know the whole two kids, working full time mom thing.....that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it!).  As I'm working on new post, I thought I'd share an old post from May 2014. (Throwback Thursday is still a thing, right??)  Enjoy!
Photo: © Mytime | Dreamstime.com

I bought myself a Groupon last week (how great is Groupon?!). It was for a body salt scrub and mud wrap treatment.  As soon as I purchased it, I called the spa to make an appointment.  The friendly receptionist  arranges a day and time for me.  Just before she hangs up the phone, she tells me I might want to wear underwear that I don't mind getting messy from the mud, or I can go nude for the treatment.  I ponder this for a second.  The last time I was naked for a spa treatment, the out come was less then desirable:

The Two Try Bazillion Wax

About five years ago I decided I wanted to get a Brazilian wax done.  It seemed like a good idea. All my friends had done it, as well as my sister.  They said it hurt like a bitch, but was totally worth it. Bathing suit season was also upon me, and the idea of a smooth bikini area was very appealing. I went ahead and called the spa to book my treatment.

The receptionist told me the hair had to be 1/4 inches long. I asked if  a week and half would be sufficient. The receptionist said yes, and I was all set to go.

The day of the appointment, I arrived bright eyed and bushy crotched.  I was told to strip from the waist down, and place the itty bitty white towel provided over my nether regions. The esthetician came in, and we started chatting. She asked if it was my first time, I said yes, and she assured me that it would be a bit painful but worth it.  "I bet you come back" she says with a wink.  Side Note: Its a little weird being winked at while lying on a table with your crotch on display

She spreads the warm wax on, followed by a strip, and pulls.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT BALLS.

Hurting a bit, was a bit of an understatement. I'm pretty sure she took my hair, and half my uterus with it.

"You OK?" She asks

"Yep" I say between clenched teeth. "Just peachy".

She does a few more strips, and for a fleeting moment I think about kicking her in the face, and running bare ass outta there. My thoughts are interrupted by a sigh from the wax professional. 

"Hm mm, that's weird"  she says aloud. Well, that's  not something you want to hear from the women who has her hands on your lady parts.

"Whats weird?" I question back with raised eyebrows

"All the hair isn't coming off......it must not have not been long enough"

"Really? The receptionist said 1/4 inches"

"Yeah, well, actually we recommend 1/2 inches or longer. I kinda thought it wasn't long enough when I looked at it, but I was hoping it would be OK"

Silence. I'm not really sure what this broad is getting at, but from the information she is presenting me, it sounds like my Brazilian isn't going well.

"You could come back next week" she says with a shrug.

Is this bitch serious?

"But you've already started" I shriek in a high pitch tone, I don't even recognize.

"Well I got most of it, it's just, well, sorta patchy in some places. You know where the hair wasn't long enough. If you give it a week, those hairs will be long enough, and I can go over the whole area again. The second treatment will be free".

Well I should fucking hope so. I think to myself. As much as I want to get all huffy, and scream "You should of said it wasn't long enough", or "This isn't right" at the top of my lungs, I don't. Because yelling with your crotch on display is pretty much impossible. Needless to say, I left the salon with a patchy, tender, lady area.  

My husband called soon after excited to hear how the procedure went.  He and I both had a very different idea how the out come was going to be.

"I'm a patchy crotched freak" I yell into the phone. I then explain the story to him, and let him know that 
a) I'm so sad, and confused by the Brazilian 
and 
b) I will be spending the remainder of the night soaking in a bath tub with a bottle of wine.  

Now I'm not saying all wax treatments happen like this. (Actually I'm pretty sure no wax treatments happen like this), but please heed my advice and make sure the spa receptionist knows what the fuck shes talking about. And that the esthetician also knows what the fuck shes talking about. Maybe just make sure everyone is on the same page hair growth wise.


Shauna Lynn

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